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Our latest Exclusive is an essay by Namwali Serpell with illustrations by Lauren Tamaki. An early sign of trouble.) My first true love, my college boyfriend, was half-French, half-Egyptian. His skin color so resembled my own I would occasionally mistake his hands for mine in bed. Once, visiting him in Paris, I said, “We’re the only black people on this train,” and he said, “I’m not black, I’m French.” Bien sûr.
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My intensity and pugnacity seem more palatable to them, or less threatening. Perhaps their Europeanness makes them seem temporary—they’re bound to go home—and keeps me from falling in love.
I fall in love with the Americans, though, stupidly.
” It’s where the joke of Arab women saying “enta awal wahad fi hayati” comes from, Arab women feel the need to lie regarding their romantic history in order to make Arab men feel special… Having been with another person makes you damaged goods, and while not every man carries these backwards ideologies, many still do (see the Scoop Empire comments).
When dating outside the Arab society and even diving into a more liberal white society, Arab women don’t have to face judgement, lie about their history, or pretend to be a delicate flower that hasn’t experienced life, or worry about overshadowing an Arab man’s ego.
It’s kind of an obsession we have in the Arab community, well one of many at least, but curiosity over each others’ love lives drives afternoon tea gossip with Arab mothers around the globe.
However, one that seems to strike everyone, even baffle them is the fact that Arab women will date outside of their race. For many Arab women the choice to date non-Arabs comes from a variety of reasons, mainly the fact that they’re attracted to that person on a physical, emotional and mental level.
While that shared culture can be great, it can be the reason women hold back from an Arab-Arab relationship.
Having dated both Arab and white men there are looming concerns when it comes to dating Arab guys.
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(That night, at my fancy birthday dinner, he had asked me why black people are always so loud in public.