Instead, start by saying what caught your eye about their profile.

what to say in the 1st message on online dating-84

Rather, the faster the reply to a message, the more likely it is that communication will continue (Fiore, Taylor, Xhong, Mendelsohn, and Cheshire, 2010). Are there gender differences in who is more likely to make first contact?

Struggling to think of the right thing to say to an attractive match?

The next stage is either to sit and wait to be contacted by a potential date, or to look through the site and proactively start sending messages to potential dates yourself.

Surely, one of the things any online dater would want to know is what type of first contact message is most likely to draw a positive response.

I was going to write about something else today -- I have a couple of big-concept posts I've been meaning to write up and get around to -- but, heck, the last post I put up was a big-concept post so I figured let's have a quick breather from that and get something a little lighter up first. I've been all too guilty of this myself -- sending super-long messages.

This topic came up as I got to an email from a reader. And what I found was that I was often disappointed -- I'd put all this time and effort into a monster of a message, and then... There are a bunch of lessons I eventually took away from those experiences that I'll share with you today.

I don't usually start off a post with the impact points right at the beginning.

But I want to lay these out first -- because they're so vital to solid message writing -- and we'll get into the "whys" and the "hows" in a moment.

Create something that’s witty and warm and demonstrates you’ve read their profile, as opposed to just flicking through their photos. Research has shown that people warm towards hearing their own name in conversation.

Use that scientific discovery to your own advantage, by starting your email with a “Hello [Username]” and not a non-specific “Hi.” If you want to create a feeling of warmth, shorten their name, use its initials, or create a nickname based on one of their interests. Everyone loves to read about themselves, so don’t begin your message by launching straight in about you.

And I’m going to share a small number of them with you now. Simply scanning over it briefly, will give you a more natural gut reaction, and make it easier for you to respond to the 1 or 2 things that really got your attention. When you meet a new woman in real life, you don’t analyze her in depth.